I got back my common test results, and I really thank God for letting me do the best I could have done. I thought Math was a sure-fail , but it turned out, to my surprise, that I managed to get a distinction (Grade 6). I was a little disappointed with English, and especially Econs, where I got a grade 5 for both. But at least I’m really happy I did well for Physics and Chemistry, which got Grade 7. It turned out from this exam that Chemistry is my strongest subject, followed by Physics. Even though I de-proved overall by one point from last year’s promos (38 points), I think my results are fine at the moment. At least it gives me ample room to improve before the final exam, and hopefully I peak at the right time.

For the past month, I’ve been thinking really hard, trying to find out what’s wrong with tf attendance. I know attendance isn’t the only indicator of healthy growth, and it’s not the most important. But not knowing why this is happening makes me feel worse as a tuan zhang. I kept asking myself whether there was anything I wasn't doing right, wondering if it was my fault, and sometimes even thinking if I should have taken up the role this year. Well, till now, I don’t have an answer - I can’t account for the dismal attendance. But what Jacky told me today has given me a new perspective on things – those who come are truly seeking spiritual growth. So I could see it as like some sort of “pruning”, filtering those who truly want to be involved in fellowship, and those who aren’t really sincere about it. Sorry if I offend anyone, because I truly don’t mean to. In fact, I hope this serves as both encouragement and advice. Skipping church to pursue something else “for the glory of God” is something I feel strongly against, and which I find quite ironic.

Wow it’s been quite a while since I posted.. Now, I’m finally enjoying my long overdue June holiday. I’m going to relax all I want this long weekend (since I don’t have papers on Monday and Tuesday next week) before school starts again on Wednesday.

My exams went fine I guess. I’m quite happy with Physics, Chem and Econs, and as usual, I’m worried about English, but I guess it didn’t go too badly. Yes, the subject I’m most worried about is Math. I didn’t expect the first paper to be so hard. There were quite a few questions that stumped me, and they really threw me off course till I didn’t have any confidence for the rest of the paper, making my performance even worse. For the second paper, I didn’t die so badly because I was already mentally aware that I’d have to find some way to rescue my marks, so tough or not, I’d have to fight the questions out.

Ah well, I’ll see how when the results are finally out. I my marks will be in decreasing order: Physics, Chem/Econs, English, Math. Hopefully I can scrape 39 points to improve by one point this year.

Anyway, yesterday, after the last 2 papers, I went out with some people in my class to Pizza Hut for lunch. At night, I went for the President’s Young Performer’s Concert with Jie Ying, and it was an enjoyable one. I still smile to myself whenever I think of what the person sitting behind us said during the intermission..

I’ll be going to Universal Studios with my class on Monday. I hope I don’t throw up or anything after the rides. I’m really not an adventurous person.

I realised I haven’t posted for quite a while. Well, since I’m waiting for Jean to log off the other computer, I shall use this time to type.

After getting back from church camp last week, I suffered some sort of “jet lag” for about 3 days. I couldn’t help but spend most of the time sleeping or trying not to fall asleep while trying to study. I went for the scholarship interview last Friday, which went pretty alright. I tried my best, but I would be able to accept it if I don’t get it. Frankly, even if I do, I’m not sure what I’d do about it yet..

Ok Jean’s done, I’ve got to go. Exams start on Monday. Argh!

This week is Week 11 – Yes, not the June holidays yet. I’ve been going back to school every day for extra lessons/Focus (concentration) camp. I’ve been doing quite a bit of studying this week, in preparation for common tests.

Yesterday, I performed with the rest of the string ensemble at The Arts House for the Live! Singapore Showcase. I didn’t know it was a high-profile international event till recently.. But anyway it wasn’t too late. It’s the performance I mentioned last week – the one with iPad2s and electronic music. The “game” was fun and though I didn’t manage to land a turn on getting to play the iPad2 during the actual performance, it was a fun experience rehearsing/playing anyway. The music is quite atonal, all the way till the second last chord – the last chord being tonal to show the audience that we can actually play in tune. Chance music can be quite interesting, because it keeps you on our toes during every run through – you never know what might happen. Ah isn’t that so much like life… Ok I shall stop attempting to be philosophical.

This holiday seems so short – there’s so much work I need to accomplish within this month. I think this feeling is going to be pretty much the same until I finally clear the final IB exams at the end of the year. Part of me looks forward to that… But, I’m really enjoying school life, so no, I don’t really want it to end yet.

Now, off to sleep..

I realised I haven’t posted for about a month. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t get myself to sit down to type one out. I haven’t even visited this blog much. So I’m typing this post in an attempt to kick my blog back to life.

Now, I’m no longer 17 years old. Why must I turn 18 just when I start getting used to being 17? Anyway, putting my grievances aside…

I had a nice birthday celebration this year. I celebrated it in a total of four parts, each with a different group of people who play important roles in my life.

Lately, I’ve been going back for cca again, even thought SYF is over. That’s because some of the people from the secondary as well as college section will be representing the school to perform for LIVE! Singapore. Our performance is on 1 June. It’s quite exciting because there are elements of chance in the music. There are 3 iPad stations where most players will take turns to anyhow play tones using a few apps on them. It’s in the form of like a game, where each musician is assigned a number, and in my case, if I happen to hear the note F being played 4 times at a particular section, then it’s my turn to go play with the iPad. It’s the first time I’m playing atonal music, so this has been a pretty interesting experience so far.

If I get a scholarship, should I go overseas to study? It seemed really thrilling to me at first, something I’d really wanted. But when I thought about it seriously, I started doubting if I could bear to leave my family, relatives and friends behind. It’s like, I won’t know what will happen when I’m not around in Sg, and anything can happen at anytime. And I don’t want to suddenly be faced with a situation I didn’t expect, and then regret not being able to be around before it happened. I don’t know if anyone knows what I’m getting at, and I don’t really wish to be specific about it, but yea, that’s a concern. I’m typing this because I’m one final interview away from getting a scholarship. Whether it’s God’s will or not for me to get it, it’s up to Him and I guess I will submit to whatever plans He has for me.

Gold for SYF today! I’m really happy at the results. After 3 months of hard work while juggling the long list of deadlines, it’s finally over. Actually, not quite. We still have to go back to school this Saturday to perform for the open house for primary school kids. Though the orchestra was really small compared to other schools (16 people), I’m glad we managed to rise above that limitation.

Just a brief summary since I don’t think I ever posted anything much about the SYF. We played the last movement of Dvorak’s serenade for strings, and Sibelius’s Cavantina. About a month before the SYF, we decided to play without a conductor. A week before it, we decided to play it without scores, and standing up in a unique formation. I honestly learnt a lot through this experience. Like getting used to watching others around me, responding to others playing, paying attention to the musical expression and technical stuff like how to achieve specific effects on the violin. It’s not that I didn’t manage to pick up anything the past year, but just through this SYF experience, I feel like I’ve grown up more as a musician. What’s music if we don’t let it speak?

Yesterday, I retook the quick study component for my diploma. I hope I manage to pass it this time.

Last but not least, I’m glad smss got a silver today. I remember being really disappointed almost exactly 2 years ago. Ah remember the days…

The most important lesson I learnt this week: get your relationship right with God before trying to get it right with man.

I’m slightly sick – woke up with a sore throat, sneezed and sniffed throughout the day, just short of a fever to top things off.

SYF is coming up in about 2 weeks and my violin exam a day before that. Hope I’ll get through this tiring month and term in one piece.

Today, I watched the video of the magician who (actually) beheaded his wife while doing the famous trick of sawing through 3 boxes with a women inside. It was just disgusting. I was too scared to watch the video without closing my eyes nearing the part when that guy was going to saw his wife. Argh. Why do people even risk such things.. To me, life is too precious to be laid before a deadly magic trick.

Finally, TOK presentation is over. I think it went quite well and I’m really satisfied with it. I did my presentation with xd and I have to say it was a really tough yet enjoyable journey, now that I look back at it. I didn’t start off intending to do pair work at first, but after considering after she asked me, I decided to give it a try. We started off from not knowing each other well, being in the same class, yet just mere acquaintances. But throughout the preparation, we got to know each other considerably better. All the blood, sweat and tears put into preparing it made this a really memorable experience for me. I didn't always look forward to all this stuff and now that the presentation is over, yes, I do feel relieved, but now I do miss it a bit.

Ah.. post-TOK presentation effects.

I need to get started on the rest of the stuff that I put on hold the past week, but I'm in holiday mood.

I made a bad mistake during the cross-country run that day. During the trial run I had the Saturday before, I took a wrong turn near the end of the route, but I didn’t realise and no one else did either (because I was quite far behind). But the distance was around the same anyway. On the actual day, I took the wrong turn again because I thought the people in front of me were doing cool-down jog or something like that, so I insisted on my route, and none of the marshals stopped me when I turned. So I ran all the way and realised I took the wrong turn only when I ran up to a barricade which was leading to the finishing line. I was really panicking by then and I decided to run along the barricade toward the finishing line to see if there was any official I could talk to. I didn’t dare to turn back in case I got disqualified or something. But no, there was no official along the barricade, except for the finishing line, and it would be weird if I ended up there. So I had to run out again and run back in the legitimate way. Ah sigh.. What a run.

Anyway, all the training the past few weeks has motivated me to lead healthier lifestyle – by exercising more. I realised how bad my fitness level was when I started training and it was a good wake up call.

TOK presentation next Tuesday. I should go off to do some work now.

YAYYYY!!! MY HOLIDAY IS OVER!

I’m glad I have no more Math port to suffer with, and no housework to worry about (at least not so much), and no more busy holiday schedule.

I’m really happy and high now.. I slept at 3am, took a nap this evening and I’m very alert now.

National cross country is this Wednesday. My timing improved by 3 minutes when I went for training yesterday (Saturday). I hope to cut it by a bit on the actual day. Running for God and not for myself.

It’s Home Alone (with Jean) Day 2. Everything has pretty much been well here. Mom and dad are in Penang with ye ye and nai nai visiting relatives until Saturday.

Jean’s coming home from piano lesson soon and she’s buying back bread for tomorrow’s breakfast, salad and ice cream for tonight.

This week is really hectic. I hope I survive it. I have CCA four days a week, 2 of which are full-day rehearsals, cross country trainings (which I have been ponning), 2 scholarship assessments (each at least 4 hours long), a math portfolio to do and chem ia, both of which are contributing to my final IB grade. On top of all the school work, I have house chores to do and the constant need to plan for my survival the next few days. I’ve learnt to be realistic and I’ve set reasonable goals for my holiday (what holiday..).

1. Finish math
2. Finish Chem
3. Plan worship leading for Sunday
4. Keep myself alive

it’s not so bad I guess. I really enjoy CCA these days, maybe because of all the SYF prep.

Ahhh great… I have a TOK essay to finsih, a TOK presentation to prepare, the EE to edit, and a math portfolio to start doing. On top of that, I have intensive SYF rehearsals during the holidays, plus training for the national cross country. I want the next three weeks to zoom past, asap.

Whatever I thought would happen this Saturday didn’t happen. Instead, I took part in a cross-country event at Bedok reservoir. 4 girls including me ran as a team and we came in second. If I ran faster, acsi (girls) could have been first. Anyway, I guess I shouldn’t be too demoralised since the maximum I’ve run at one shot is probably only not even 2 km this year. So to finish 4.5 km without stopping was already a relatively good achievement for me, for now. I never thought I’d be doing something like this in my lifetime.

Talking about exercise, lately, I’ve realised my physical health has worsened a lot since secondary school days. Nowadays I’m running slower and getting weaker. Although I still managed to get a gold for NAPHA last year, I’ve suddenly come to realise I might not reach that if I don’t buck up soon. Sometimes I feel like blaming it on thalassemia minor, because, well, maybe that’s what’s making me tired when I run. When I look at others run, I always wonder whether they all feel as tired, and whether I could have pushed my physical limits more. Perhaps it’s trauma because I’ve felt really dizzy/weak/horrible after exercise quite a few times in my life, and maybe that results in my fear of getting tired.

Whatever the case, I shall relish feeling healthy for the next 2 days.

I’m finally done with most of my tests for this term. Now I can concentrate fully (this sounds quite ironic) on my world lit essay, TOK essay, TOK presentation and EE. I’m too spoilt for choice on which to start doing. I’ve slogged through world lit for 2 nights in a row, trying to come up with solid points but I can only safely say I’m 1/3 done – with my rough outline. Gah. There’s a reason why I chose not to take lit in Sec 3…

This Saturday is going to be quite an interesting an exciting day. I’ll be discussing TOK presentation with xiaodi early in the afternoon, and then she’ll be going for TF with me. Sure this is something to be happy and thankful about, but after thinking about it for a while, it really leaves me feeling somewhat guilty and disappointed with myself. Why is it the first time I’m doing this?

Exercising twice this week has just given me a (false) sense of healthiness. Yesterday, Sharon and I trained with the track cross country boys, but of course, we were given much lighter tasks. My teacher asked me to consider competing in cross country (in about 5 weeks), but fear being tired. Somehow, when I imagine myself run, it’s always this ideal situation when I don’t have to pant and feel like I’m going to die any moment. Then I get all motivated and when I actually start running, my nightmares just come true and there I am, plodding along the track, breathing hard and perspiring, hoping each breath isn’t the last. I can’t even run 2.4km without feeling exhausted, so I’m quite doubtful whether I’ll be able to finish 3.6km in one piece. Argh..

I had a really long day out shopping today. Queenstown to IKEA to Vivo with mom, dad and Jean. And I coincidentally bumped into Grace (SMSS strings) while in Vivo.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly typing this down, but over the last year, one of the most important things I’ve learnt is about how average I am as a human. Sure, every one is seemingly “unique”, but from what I’ve seen, we’re all nearly the same.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Yay, I still have 2 more days  of holiday. I think I’m probably one the few odd people with no school on Monday.

I’m enjoying the second day of my long holiday, though I’m feeling quite tired already. My schedule during CNY has been very repetitive for as long as I can remember. This year wasn’t any different – and I actually feel some sense of security in the fact that things don’t change much.

On CNY eve, I had school in the morning (Jean didn’t even need to go to school) and the rest of the day was free. At night, we had a reunion dinner with both sides of my family at a restaurant in Harbour front. There are a few relatives whom I only see once a year, during CNY, so it was nice seeing them again and getting snippets of updates on their lives.

On the first day of CNY, I went to church in the morning for the annual CNY Thanksgiving service. Perhaps this is something unique to a Chinese church – and no, it isn’t superstition. I think it’s more of adapting to societal context and reaching out to the Chinese community while staying true to what we believe. After the service, I went for lunch with the maternal side of my family. My 2-year-old cousin, Ashlyn, suddenly seemed to like sticking to me. She kept visiting me at my side of the table and I was slightly stunned because I didn’t know how to entertain her. I kind of ended up analysing a red packet with her and then Jean and I asked her questions which we got ourselves very amused with. The innocence of a little child can really make you realise how much the world has corrupted your thoughts. She embraced being “fat” and she was honestly proud of herself. How many of people with her type of thinking can we see these days? I’ve seen none.

Moving on, in the evening, my family popped by at weichuan’s house to meet the Chinese students mom and dad are mentoring. We ate a bit and then left around 7 to go to nai nai’s house for the annual CNY steamboat dinner. I was extremely full at the end of all the eating for that day. At about 10, Jensen and his parents, Jean and I watched IP Man 2. Now I understand why this movie was so well received (especially by Chinese). Mom and dad were chasing us to go home but I just couldn’t leave the TV until the movie was over. So my parents, grandparents and aunt Rose spent the time chatting and we ended up going home at midnight – the latest in my CNY history.

Today, day 2 of CNY, was more slack. I woke up later in the morning and at around 11, dad, Jean and I went cycling at Upper Pierce reservoir. It’s the place with many ups and downs. I was having a hard time cycling because some other bike’s handle bar piled on top of my bike’s handle bar. It sat in the basement car park like this for a very long time and my front wheel was slightly bent to one side. So the brakes always got too near the wheel each revolution, and I ended up having to do more work against friction. It was really very tiring. Even cycling on flat road wasn’t easy. At first, I thought it was because of how unfit I am. But yes, I guess it could have been due to both the bike and myself. My thalassemia was acting up along the way and every pedal required sheer strength and determination. Anyway, we made it back home 3 hours later and I was dead tired. At least I think I’ve burned off about 10 pineapple tarts. What a long way to go…

After going back to school for strings on Saturday (yesterday), I suddenly heard 92.4 play A-roving by John Rutter, the one SMSS strings played for SYF 2009. It did bring back memories of the months of fun, hard work, frustration, and ultimately, the actual performance. It’s an SYF year again and this time, I’ll be playing for another school. I think I haven’t commented much over here on my CCA yet. The main thing is, it’s quite different from SMSS. I learnt a lot while playing in SMSS, but I also learnt another set of things while playing in ACSI. In SMSS, the main focus was on technical stuff like intonation, rhythm etc. Not that it’s irrelevant now, but over the past year, I’ve also learnt more about musicality and experienced the art of orchestra-playing.

I have quite a few assignments to get done before Chinese New Year, and I hope I can finish as much as possible over this long weekend. Lately, I’ve been hooked on Cafe World and more lately, Cityville. Argh. This is terrible.

O level results were out this week. Jean did rather well, meaning she can choose any JC she wants to go to. So now she’s deciding between some college in Bishan and my school. It’s during this period of time that people can either feel very happy, or very sad. Sometimes, happy, and then sad.

I met Jensen in school today! Finally, after a week, I am convinced of his existence.

Argh… I can almost see a mountain forming before my eyes. World lit essay, TOK presentation, TOK essay, EE and other IAs.

I’ve been busy with church stuff this week, settling beginning-of-year things. I probably haven’t mentioned it yet, but I’ve taken up the role as 团长 again for 2011. I know it’s going to be tough juggling that and school work, but I trust God will guide me along.

Ok I’m off to do some work.

Results were released today and I got 7 points for Chinese. To be honest, I didn’t feel very relieved, overjoyed or thankful after getting the results. But I know I should at least be grateful I have 7 points in my pocket.

There are so many perfect scorers this year, and that’s making feel pressurised already. When I think of all the assessments I’ve yet to tackle, 45 points seems like a very long way off.

Anyway, 38 points to go!

I’m finally back from TF camp. I’m still awake because I took a long nap today after coming home from church.

Thank God the camp went well. I wasn’t in the planning committee at first, but since I attended most of the meetings anyway, I became a part of it. A lot of effort was put into planning this camp and I’m glad it turned out well.

Camps in the past had always been filled with sermons, but this time, it was Bible study-based. So we split into groups for Bible study sessions. It was good because it allowed for more discussion and learning from each other, making lessons easier to absorb.

I got the chance to lead a group for Bible studies during the camp. I was quite panicy at first because even though I spent about 7 months last year learning how to read the Bible and lead Bible studies, I only had one practical experience about a month ago. Furthermore, Bible study was probably the most vital aspect of the camp in terms of a source for spiritual nourishment, so it felt like there was a great amount of responsibility attached. Though it was quite a challenge, I learnt the most from this year’s camp compared to the last 3 years – mostly because I had to make sure my knowledge was somewhat solid so I’d be able to lead my group. I was actually quite happy when I started hearing my group trying to be witty by applying the verses and lessons learnt directly to whatever was happening around them.

I didn’t manage to sleep much during the camp. On the first night, no one could fall asleep. I ended up sleeping around 3am. But I still managed to survive the next day. However, on the second night, I had a load of stuff to do – plan the worship for the next morning, prepare 2 Bible study sessions for the next day as well as the church watch night service which was going to be held in our chalet. That night, Jacky, Guo Feng and I sat downstairs in the living room preparing the Bible studies all the way till 4am. Xiao Jun stayed up and accompanied us downstairs. After a 3-hour nap, it was time to wake up again. That third day was super long. It stretched all the way till the watch night service which lasted till 12.30am, and then we had night games around Changi till about 5am. By the time I went to sleep, it was 7am and I was like a walking zombie. After a 3 hour nap, I had to wake up again.

The camp lasted till Saturday afternoon. From what everyone shared, I’m glad they enjoyed the camp and managed to learn something throughout the 4 days.

To me, this was probably the most memorable camp I’ve had. Not just the camp itself, but the planning behind it with the committee as well. More than 40% of the campers were either P6es or new comers, so in terms of outreach, there was a good improvement.

The watch night service also went rather smoothly, although I was quite worried about the time control so that we’d be able to count down to 2011 in time. We had to make adjustments along the way and my heart rate was probably soaring from 11pm onwards. From the feedback I received so far, I’m glad the service was meaningful to those who came.

The success of the camp and watch night service are not for me or the planning committees to gloat over, but rather for the glory of God.

After the camp, ruiquan’s parents, Guofeng, ruiquan, jasmine, siling, jean and I stayed over in the chalet for one more night because we had to book it for an extra day cus of the public holiday on 1 Jan. We slacked around, chatted, played and went out to Changi Village to buy dinner later at night. We slept at about midnight and woke up early to go to church today.

2010 has really been a memorable year.